I've mentioned before about weekends being the hardest time for me. When I started this blog I promised myself that I would always be honest and hold myself accountable, so here goes. I cheated this weekend. Like not just a small hiccup, like a full-blown train wreck. On Saturday, I had pizza for lunch. Casey's pizza. Several slices.....What a disaster. Then (oh, yes, friends, there is a then) I had Taco John's for supper. I have learned my lesson, however, not only did I feel this huge amount of guilt, I felt physically sick. I had the worst stomachache and heartburn that began at my knee caps. I couldn't sleep but had no energy..... One day of my old ways and I felt like I had been ran over by a snow plow.....So not worth it.
Old habits die hard, apparently. The important part that I try to remember is that the next day I started from square one. This is one thing that definitely has changed. Past experiences say that I would have continued down this path of destruction.. I would have considered myself defeated. No sense in trying right? Not this time. BOOM! Back on track!
I started Nutrisytem today. So far so good. I am amazed every day what I am learning about what healthy eating actually looks like. It's about being in control. Planning ahead and not putting yourself in situations that lead to bad choices (if only someone would have pulled me aside in college and enlightened me with this advice, which applies to far more than just food choices...baha). The best part about Nutrisystem is taking the food and making it into something entirely different ( Thanks for this tip, Whit). It's also pretty exciting to take the tiny (seriously, tiny) portions and making them into a human-size portion. For Pete's sake, I am not a Barbie. This girl needs some sustanence. For lunch tomorrow, I took the package of Red Beans and Rice and mixed with it one tablespoon of bread crumbs, one tablespoon egg whites, green peppers, and half a light string cheese. Then I took this mixture and put in in a Portabella mushroom cap and baked it for 30 minutes. Viola, a satisfying portion that is healthy and filling.
I am also surprised at what I am learning about myself. I can't bury my emotions in food any longer. If I am upset I cannot "eat" what is bugging me. I have to face it. Face whatever it is head on. After 26 years, this is a very foreign concept to me.Weird, how my career focus is on encouraging others to face and feel their emotions and all these years I have not practiced what I preached. Through all this I have had to remind myself that experiencing emotions is not a sign of weakness. There is a certain amount of bravery that comes with embracing your emotions for exactly what they are. I think I have cried more in the last three weeks than I have in my entire life. Only, this time I am not ashamed that I have done so. I am also learning that asking for help is not a sign of failure. Sometimes, we cannot do things on our own. It is a real and simple part of life. Ask for help when you need it. Don't be ashamed.
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