Tuesday, October 28, 2014

We Fight To Hold On, We Fight To Let Go.....

On October 29th, 2008 Ethan Whitesel's life ended.

On that day a piece of my soul died right along with him.

Six years have passed. How in the hell have six years passed?

It seems like both a lifetime ago and just yesterday.

Somewhere in the midst of grief and anger and sadness and despair, I have found something that I never thought possible. I have found peace.

I have made peace with the fact that he is gone. I still hate that fact but I do accept that a higher power had better plans for my brother and I have to trust in that. That is what gets me through the toughest of days.

The funny thing about peace is that it is, at times, fleeting. Finding peace is not an all encapsulating sense of enlightenment.  I still question why Bubba was taken so soon. There are days that I am still mad as hell about it and days where his death seems so senseless but I have also discovered that, that's the good thing about it. God can handle my anger and resentment. He can handle my questioning His reasoning. He can even handle when I turn my back on Him. So in finding peace I have also been able to reestablish my faith.  Even in death, Ethan helps me find my way.

He was my best friend, my mentor, my advocate, my cheerleader, my rival, my frustration, and my hope.

I miss him every day. That will never change.

He taught me to be a better person. To be a little reckless. To forgive quickly (I suck at this one). To see the best in everybody (I also suck at this one). To say what's on your mind (I don't suck at this one).  Most importantly, he taught me to live the hell out of today because we are promised nothing in this life, not even tomorrow.

Never forget to tell people you love them. Take the time to laugh. Look at something and see its true beauty. Get excited about the little things. Leave the dishes in the sink and go do something fun....they'll be there when you get back. Drink some Crown Royal. Find your passion and indulge it. Read a good book. Live in the moment. Sing...loudly and off tune, if at all possible. Make sure you're friends with some weirdos-these are the people that make life truly worthwhile.

People are going to remember you for your spirit and the way you lived your life.......Make sure you're living it right

On October 29, 2008, Ethan Whitesel's life ended.....His story did not.

Rest Well, Big Brother, Rest Well.