tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54934000738798901792024-03-05T00:34:26.699-08:00Fat Girl ProblemsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-34318666144950923102015-10-12T10:09:00.002-07:002015-10-12T19:15:48.150-07:00My Next Thirty Years....<br />
Over the weekend I celebrated my 30th birthday. A birthday I have been dreading for quite some time. I had spent all of last week in a funk. I couldn't help but fixate on the fact that my life doesn't look like I had always thought it would when I turned 30. I guess I just always thought I would have a lot more accomplished by now.<br />
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I am an over thinker, by nature. I observe, I review, I analyze. This can kinda make me a cranky asshole sometimes, but it's who I am. After much of the above listed occurred, I finally decided that my life isn't anywhere close to where I pictured it and, ya know what...Who the hell cares? I am happy and I am fulfilled and I am loved and that is all that matters.<br />
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I could list for days all that I haven't done but what about all I have done...<br />
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<strike>I HAVE LAUGHED</strike> I LAUGH<br />
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I learned early on that laughter is pretty much the key to anything. I have laughed lots, and for long periods of times, and since about the 8th grade with a distinctive wheeze (if you haven't heard The Wheeze, you are certainly missing out). I have known sadness but even more so I have known happiness. Humor draws you to people and vice versa. Life is all about the ride-might as well make sure it's fun.<br />
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<strike>I HAVE LOVED</strike> I LOVE<br />
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I consider myself forever lucky to be surrounded by some of the very best people who have ever walked this Earth-You are all my greatest blessings. I am better because of you.<br />
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I have experienced what it is to forgive and to also be forgiven. I am lucky enough to know what it is to be loved without conditions and to also bestow that same love upon others. My love, along with my trust, has never been something I have given away easily and I may not always like you, but once I love you, I love you. That shit's probably not going away.<br />
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<strike>I HAVE LIVED</strike> I LIVE<br />
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Every single day, I live. In the whole scheme of things, 30 years is not long at all. I have packed a lot of shenanigans into a short time. I have experienced what it means to truly live, not just go through the motions. I have been present when new life began and also when it ended. I know just how valuable life is and am fully aware that not everyone is given the luxury of living a long life. <br />
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When you are 20, you can't even fathom that you will eventually turn 30. I feel I should have put more thought into this, perhaps I would have treated my body a little nicer had I taken a little more consideration. While I turned 30 my liver felt like it was celebrating it's 60th birthday. All jokes aside, if it were all over tomorrow I'd have no regrets. No regrets that's what I always say...that any everybody Wang-Chung tonight.<br />
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<strike>I HAVE LOSSED</strike> SOMETIMES I LOSE<br />
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I've known loss. I wear scars. I have scars on my body and scars in my heart. I think the deepest scar is the one I choose to wear over my heart. I look down and am reminded that life is fragile. That sometimes there are no do-overs, no second chances, and sadly, sometimes there are no tomorrows so you have to live the hell out of today. You've got to know sadness to know what it's like to truly be happy. Trust in the process. Perhaps, the hardest lesson in life is that sometimes when you lose, you also gain. Regardless, I know that there is nothing I'm not able to make it through because I am stronger than I sometimes give myself credit.<br />
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As for the next 30 years-here's to keeping an open mind and an open heart...I've got a lot more lessons to learn.<br />
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Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-23150340657145069792015-07-30T10:38:00.001-07:002015-07-30T11:12:11.641-07:00And This Is Who I Am Today.....My life is changing. I am changing. Faster than I could ever imagine. I am happy. I am terrified.<br />
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I feel like I have spent so many years seeking out answers but it seems that I wasn't even positive the questions. Turns out that the answers in life are the easy part; it's the questions that are difficult. They are what will keep me awake at night ....wondering...wanting....waiting. <br />
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The best things in life are those that you never saw coming. That appear out of the blue and uproot your entire way of thinking. That blindside you. The type of things that remind you that regardless of all the bad in this world, there is still a whole lot of good. Remember to hold on tight to that good. It is rare and beautiful.<br />
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I have always been comfortable in my little corner of the world. For me, comfort often means the easy way. The way I am accustomed to...simple, if you will. Don't get me wrong, being comfortable is okay. Nothing wrong with that but comfort doesn't necessarily equate extraordinary. Truth be told, my extraordinary is going to look a little different than yours....that's okay, too.<br />
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What I have always thought I wanted has always seemed so concrete, so trite. I am a walking contradiction. A proverbial hot mess-those things will never change. I don't think I would want those things to change. However, I am learning that what I want is a far more fluid concept than I had ever imagined. Turns out my life is turning into everything I never knew, I always needed. And with that I have to being willing to adapt and look beyond my little corner of the world and see someone else's.<br />
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All of our future's hold so many unknowns. So many questions without answers and answers without questions. I could sit here and worry about every thing that is changing and everything that could go wrong. What I am going to do it just sit back and enjoy all that life has to offer.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-63179968565255200132015-07-01T16:05:00.000-07:002015-07-01T17:21:14.424-07:00Life Lessons By LouMy name is Laura Louise Whitesel. My life if not a Bruce Springsteen song. Let's all take a moment to acknowledge and mourn this news.<br />
<br />
Moving on....<br />
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I have come to realize that life can be best summed up as a series of lessons. As you all may very well know, some lessons are more pleasant than others. I think it is no big secret that I have always marched to my own beat. A little weird, a little quirky, a little discontently content with the mundane mechanics of the world, kinda a Hot-Mess Express...basically, a walking shit-show<br />
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I don't have a lot of expectations out of this life. I have no desire to change the world. I don't want people to read about me in history books or recognize me walking down the streets but what I do want to do is LIVE. I want to truly live in both the simplest and most complex meanings of the word. I want to experience things that scare me, that move me, that make me question everything that I believe in...things that possess the ability to change me at my core. I want to be challenged. I want to love, as freely and as fearlessly as possible.<br />
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What better way to channel all my misguided nonsense than to offer a series of life lessons...I could either be your hero or your cautionary tale. I'd probably choose the later. Hold on to your britches, my lovelies....it's about the crazy up in hurrr.<br />
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Life Lessons By Lou<br />
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Lesson # 1: <strong>Stop Comparing Yourself To Others</strong><br />
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Guess what? Your life probably looks at little bit different that everyone else's. It's okay. Your career, your relationships, your finances, your goals...THEY ARE YOURS!!! They belong to no one but you. Stop feeling bad, stop trying to fit your life and yourself into unrealistic standards. Let me share with you something I've learned along the way. The people whose lives appear to fit into a perfect cookie-cutter mold, typically are overcompensating for issues far beyond my scope of practice.<br />
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Lesson #2: <strong>Don't Be Afraid of Waiting</strong><br />
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Trust me, I am the queen of impatience. I want things to happen. The best thing I can tell you is to not be afraid of sitting back and seeing how things play out. Sometimes life will surprise you. Sometimes life will piss you off. Either way, everything will work out the way it's supposed to.<br />
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Lesson # 3: <strong>Don't Be Afraid To Be A Little Crazy</strong><br />
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You cannot take life too seriously. Act how you want. Say those ridiculous thoughts. Mix things up a bit, yo.<br />
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Lesson # 4: <strong>Surround Yourself By People Who Make You Laugh</strong><br />
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Be around people who make you laugh. I learned a long time ago that if you don't find a way to laugh at the hard stuff, you'll spend a helluva a lot of time crying. Life is hard enough as it is. Sit back and enjoy it as much and as often as possible. If you have friends who you can share inappropriate stories about body functions or a guy who isn't afraid to ask the cashier at Taco John's if the food we just received was authentic, then in my book, you just about have it all.<br />
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Lesson #5: <strong>What Would Lou Do?</strong><br />
<strong><br /></strong>
When faced with a daunting decisions including but not limited to: 1) Should I wear glitter eye shadow to work 2) Should I have ANOTHER piece of pizza? 3) Should I have Taco John's for lunch, again? 4) Should I run for Congress even though I have no experience in anything political?.....If any life altering decisions should arise ask yourself :What would Lou do? And then proceed from there.<br />
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Stay tuned for another fun-filled life lessons fueled by nothing more than my meandering thoughts...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-72808513668203041712015-02-02T19:01:00.001-08:002015-02-02T20:42:35.526-08:00An Open Letter To An AssholeDear Young Sir:<br />
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I wanted to take the time to address the question that you so boldly asked about myself to your teammates this evening while I was getting into the pool that you were training in.<br />
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How did I let myself get like this, you ask?<br />
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Well, first off, sir, I am fat not deaf. Those are two entirely different conditions. You would think spending over $100,000 on your college career, you would know the difference, but that's just my state education speaking.<br />
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To answer your question, I am not entirely sure how I let myself get like this. Maybe I'm lazy? Maybe I don't have any respect for myself? Maybe genetics just aren't on my side? Maybe I have an extremely unhealthy relationship with food? Maybe I suffered a loss so profound that food was a tool I used to not feel empty inside? Maybe I'll always feel empty inside? Maybe I have always been fortunate to be surrounded by people who love me unconditionally, fat or thin? Maybe it's a combination of all the above listed....the one thing I know for certain is, it's none of your damn business. <br />
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When I was your age, I knew just about everything, too. I was so certain of my convictions and my place in the world. I think the term I'm looking for is entitlement. Lucky for you and for me, as well, life has a way of humbling us all. And humble you, it will, my friend.<br />
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My prayer for you is that you find your way. That no one ever speaks to or about you the way that you spoke about me or even worse, that no one ever speaks to your children that way. And if they do may all of you have a foundation sturdy enough to know that words are just words. Words do not define an individual but they do have the ability to hurt. I hope you don't have to learn that the hard way.<br />
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In closing, I want you to know that we are all fighting battles. We all have our crosses to bear. And being an ass hat, does not help anyone.<br />
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By the way, sir, shame on you.<br />
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Sincerely,<br />
<br />
The Fat Girl At The Pool<br />
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P.S. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps I was swimming in an attempt to better myself or did you think that I thought I just looked slamming in my swimsuit?<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-20740373597062448392015-01-05T18:30:00.001-08:002015-01-05T18:30:56.648-08:00Cliche This<br />
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I fully realize that this is going to come off as the obligatory, cliché, "New Year, New me" post that you have a heard/seen a billion-thousand times (trust me, it's a real number) since the New Year rolled in. Let me assure you, things are not always as they appear.<br />
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I can Yo-Yo diet like it's my job. Here's what it kinda looks like: Crash diet until I hit my goal, act bat-shit crazy because my body and brain are starved, look smoking hot in needed situation, a month later gain all those pounds back and all those little bastards typically bring a few friends along with them. Vicious cycle.<br />
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I am tired. <br />
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Tired of this cycle. Tired of being unhealthy. Tired of feeling terrible all of the time. Tired of being tired.<br />
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No more.<br />
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I want to get healthy.<br />
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I know what you're thinking...Same song different verse, Laura. You've all heard it all before.<br />
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This year, however, I turn the big 3-0. I absolutely refuse to turn 30 unhealthy. Not doing it. No thanks. Not me. Not this girl.<br />
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In all honesty, my body couldn't take 30 more years of my treating it the way I have. It probably couldn't handle five more years of my blatant disregard for myself and I got too much of the world to change to die. The truth is cruel and hard to accept but it lingers around me all the time.<br />
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Healthy not skinny. <br />
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Back to the basics today.<br />
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Meal prep, working out. Baby steps....<br />
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Slow and steady.<br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-5632946182343652472014-11-26T23:28:00.001-08:002014-11-27T05:16:54.774-08:00A Million Little Thank You'sFamilies-the people we turn to, to both lose and regain our sanity. The craziest people on the planet. The steady promise that love exists that does not bear conditions.<br />
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Families are proof that God has a sense of humor. They are the people who stand by your side. They are a reminder that you don't have to carry all the burdens of the world alone. They are the ones who cheer you on during your moments of triumph and they will hold your hand during the bitterness of defeat and whisper in your ear, "Together, we will get through". <br />
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Your family will see you at your absolute worst and your absolute best. They won't ask you why you haven't washed your hair in four days or even mention that you may have wore the same sweatpants and hoodie for an entire weekend, straight. They tell you if you're in desperate need of an eyebrow waxing. They keep your extensive Barbie collection a secret. They love you regardless of the fact that you can kinda be a whiny asshole.<br />
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Your family will fight with you. They will tell you how it is. They will call you on your bullshit. They will do everything in their power to help fulfill your hopes and dreams. They will sometimes say awful things to you that they don't necessarily mean. They forgive. They don't judge you when you call the cute little old lady that cut you off in traffic obscenities that would make a sailor blush. They know your quirks- the oddities that would otherwise cause them to commit homicide if they didn't love you so much.<br />
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Their pain is your pain. Their happiness, in turn, is also yours.<br />
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Their love is all encompassing.<br />
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A beautiful disaster.<br />
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A glorious mess.<br />
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Just because someone shares your blood, does not make them family and just because they don't, doesn't mean they aren't. Your family consists of the people who choose to be there for both the good and the bad.<br />
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So on this Thanksgiving day, a million little thank you's to my family. Every single day, you are all my greatest blessings.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-19915380139311540202014-10-28T19:35:00.001-07:002014-10-28T19:47:53.510-07:00We Fight To Hold On, We Fight To Let Go.....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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" style="height: 188px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; width: 188px;" width="640" /></div>
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On October 29th, 2008 Ethan Whitesel's life ended.<br />
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On that day a piece of my soul died right along with him.<br />
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Six years have passed. How in the hell have six years passed?<br />
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It seems like both a lifetime ago and just yesterday.<br />
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Somewhere in the midst of grief and anger and sadness and despair, I have found something that I never thought possible. I have found peace.<br />
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I have made peace with the fact that he is gone. I still hate that fact but I do accept that a higher power had better plans for my brother and I have to trust in that. That is what gets me through the toughest of days.<br />
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The funny thing about peace is that it is, at times, fleeting. Finding peace is not an all encapsulating sense of enlightenment. I still question why Bubba was taken so soon. There are days that I am still mad as hell about it and days where his death seems so senseless but I have also discovered that, that's the good thing about it. God can handle my anger and resentment. He can handle my questioning His reasoning. He can even handle when I turn my back on Him. So in finding peace I have also been able to reestablish my faith. Even in death, Ethan helps me find my way.<br />
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He was my best friend, my mentor, my advocate, my cheerleader, my rival, my frustration, and my hope.<br />
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I miss him every day. That will never change.<br />
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He taught me to be a better person. To be a little reckless. To forgive quickly (I suck at this one). To see the best in everybody (I also suck at this one). To say what's on your mind (I don't suck at this one). Most importantly, he taught me to live the hell out of today because we are promised nothing in this life, not even tomorrow.<br />
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Never forget to tell people you love them. Take the time to laugh. Look at something and see its true beauty. Get excited about the little things. Leave the dishes in the sink and go do something fun....they'll be there when you get back. Drink some Crown Royal. Find your passion and indulge it. Read a good book. Live in the moment. Sing...loudly and off tune, if at all possible. Make sure you're friends with some weirdos-these are the people that make life truly worthwhile.<br />
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People are going to remember you for your spirit and the way you lived your life.......Make sure you're living it right<br />
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On October 29, 2008, Ethan Whitesel's life ended.....His story did not.<br />
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Rest Well, Big Brother, Rest Well. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-34072254658959209682014-08-09T21:00:00.000-07:002014-08-10T21:00:12.796-07:00Bitter, Party Of One.....He was an adventure. A breath of fresh air in the monotonous routine that my life had become. He made me laugh. He made me think. He made me realize that the world had so much more to offer than the little corner of it that I occupied.<br />
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He was also a lesson.<br />
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Unfortunately, some lessons in life are more pleasant than others.<br />
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Sometimes people aren't who they say they are.Sometimes people hurt others and have virtually no remorse for it. I made the choice to cut all ties, he handed me the scissors. Even now, I have to remind myself of this.<br />
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It doesn't make it any easier.<br />
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I miss the good times. I try to forget about the bad. The bad times do not define me, they, however, speak volumes about him.<br />
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It may not have turned out the way I hoped but I am sure one day (Not today) I will look back and think of him and smile and maybe even thank him for letting me be a part of his crazy world for just a little while but again, not today.<br />
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This too shall pass. I was fine before I met him. I will be fine again. Forever changed but fine, none-the-less.<br />
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Just because you love someone does not mean they are meant to remain in your life and perhaps, that is the cruelest of all truths.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-37770820555402281752014-06-14T23:28:00.001-07:002014-06-14T23:31:10.554-07:00To The Greatest Man I know....Dad: <br />
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First off, I just want you to know that every day I hope I make you proud. I know I don't always get things right. I make a lot of mistakes. One day I will get it all figured out and even if I don't I know that you will always be a steady-constant in my life. I know that no matter what, no matter when, no matter where, you will always be there. There is nothing that I could ever say or do that would make you stop loving me...definitely mad enough to consider giving me up for adoption but never stop loving me. Remember, you signed a contract.<br />
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You and I are probably the exact definition of polar opposites. You are level-headed and logical.....I am well.....not either of those things. You appreciate my flair for the dramatic and allow me to do things my own way. I know that most times you wonder if we reside on the same planet. You have never once discouraged me from being true to myself and following my dreams. You may have not always understood me but you have always supported my choices. Do you remember when I was in graduate school and I wanted to quit weekly (sometimes daily)? Every time I thought I had reached my breaking point, you talked me down. Told me that one day all the hard work would pay off and eventually it did.<br />
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You gave me roots and wings-the greatest gift a dad could ever give his daughter.<br />
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Speaking of greatest gifts, thank you for loving my mom, for exemplifying what a healthy relationship looks like. You are our provider, our protector, our hero. You set some pretty high standards that most guys fall short of....thanks a heap for that.<br />
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You taught me that if something sounded too good to be true that it probably was and that the overall majority of people in this life are assholes but just because someone was an asshole to me didn't necessarily mean I had to be an asshole back. You taught to stand up for what I believe in even if that sometimes meant I will be standing alone and because of have learned what true strength really is.<br />
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You taught me at a young age that I have to work for everything that I want, that nothing in this world will ever be handed to me. I bet you don't know this, but one of my favorite things is when I pull into the farm and I see you sitting in the pasture looking at your family's 133 year-old legacy and smiling like you won the damn lottery. No one would ever know in those moments that you've paid for that farm ten times over with your own sweat, your own blood, and your own tears.<br />
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You showed me that living a life of honesty and decency is the true success story.<br />
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For all you've done, I could never thank you enough.<br />
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Love you the most,<br />
<br />
Lou<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-21943670992906301022014-05-25T21:01:00.000-07:002014-05-25T21:06:25.461-07:00Today We Remember<br />
Today we remember. <br />
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We remember those who have served our country and those who have fallen for our country. All gave some, some gave all. For that we will always be grateful.<br />
<br />
Today we remember.<br />
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We remember our loved ones who we have lost along the way. Their battles different than our military service men and women, but battles none-the-less.<br />
<br />
Today we remember.<br />
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We remember their vest for life. We smile at their stories. And if we try real hard, we can still hear their laughter.<br />
<br />
Today we remember.<br />
<br />
We remember and we hold on like hell to that memory. Regardless of how we lost our loved one, we all have the desire for their legacy to live on. Our greatest fear is that others will forget.<br />
<br />
Today we remember.<br />
<br />
Like yesterday and the day before that.<br />
<br />
Today we remember.<br />
<br />
We remember the happy times. We remember the sad times. The sad times make the happy times that much sweeter.<br />
<br />
Today we remember.<br />
<br />
We remember when we see others who also live every day feeling the vast unfairness of a life lost too soon. We remember as we walk past one another. We don't have to even speak. A nod of the head and a look towards the ground sends a message in which words could never appropriately convey. Our grief is the same. Our grief is different. Only those who have felt that grief will understand what I am talking about.<br />
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Today we remember.<br />
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We remember that sometimes we still have to take every day, one at a time. If that becomes too much, we take it an by the hour, by the minute, by the second......Regardless of how long it's been, there are still those times when the grief catches up to us. It is then we revert to the coping mechanisms that got us through the beginning.<br />
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Today we remember.<br />
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We remember because they would want it that way. They would want us to think of them often but never in sadness.<br />
<br />
Today we remember.<br />
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Like we could ever forget.<br />
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Memorial Day 2014<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-91219123409640896532014-05-11T07:44:00.002-07:002014-05-11T08:21:59.813-07:00For All You Are, For All You Do<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ever since I was little, I have noticed something about my mom. Every day, she has a good time. Every.damn.day.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkKm5baY1m-2XifnyCBJ7FbxxyBAkLjcMaXDeJ_lqsZkb0eBn80RUG_lceMd6CpzOCyfxarDqngT6RoqguJEsFP0098B3HCykPJ2w5sZKGARjE0WG0Ce401J084woXG1HT9hdtNjc_ehk/w140-h78-p/momma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
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Life hasn't always been easy for her nor has it been fair.<br />
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Yet, she continues to carry on. She continues to laugh. She continues to be strong. For that is all she knows.<br />
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She makes the world a little bit better. God knows she makes me a little bit better.<br />
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When I say my mom is my best friend, it's not in that cliché way. Okay, a little bit in that cliché way (regardless of how horrible I am being she still has to love me...she signed a contract.) However, even if she weren't my mom, I'd still choose her as my best friend. Even though, she has the ability to drive me absolutely bat shit crazy but there is no one I would rather share my adventures in life with.<br />
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She tells it like it is. She has no qualms about calling anyone on their bullshit. You always know where she stands because by golly, she's gonna tell you. <br />
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She is beautiful and honest. She is quick witted and smart. She is funny and wise. She loves her family more than anything in this world and may God take mercy on your soul if you hurt one of them.<br />
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She is feisty and sassy. Take note, if you ever see ol' G-A-I-L's hand go to her hip and a finger shoot up to your face, friend, you've got a few problems on your hands. Good luck with that.<br />
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She is a supporter. A cheerleader. A mediator. A mentor. An advocate.<br />
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She looks at everyone in this world and sees their beauty and potential. I now know where Ethan got it.<br />
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I hope that one day I can be as strong and comfortable in who I am as she is in herself.<br />
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Every day, I hope I make her proud.<br />
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I don't know if I'm there yet, but I'm working on it. Promise.<br />
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Happy Mother's Day, Momma Whitesel.<br />
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Love You The Most!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-3433638402430898862014-04-28T21:29:00.002-07:002014-04-28T21:29:43.191-07:00Coffee Shop Wisdom
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If the term,
“hell on wheels” could be exemplified in a human form, I think it would be this
lady. She was probably in her early 80’s; barely five feet tall and maybe
weighed 100 pounds soaking wet. Her face and hands told a story that perhaps
she’s had a hard life. The wrinkles around her eyes when she smiled also told
of a woman who wasn’t a stranger to happiness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know her name. I probably never will.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had
stopped to get a cup of coffee (I take mine black, like my soul) before my
shift started at my second job. I had about 30 minutes to kill so I sat down in
the back of the shop just to think and clear my head. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you love
him, honey?” she said as she plopped down at the empty chair at my table. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She had
startled the crap outta me.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Pardon?”
was all I could manage.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Honey, it’s
a simple yes or no question. Do you love him?”</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had to
have looked at this women like she had completely lost her mind because let’s
be honest, I thought she may have been off her meds.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I guess I
don’t understand the question.” I said.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ve been
watching you since you walked in here.” She countered, “I’ve seen that look
before. I’ve worn that look before. There are two looks on a woman’s face that
only a man can be responsible for: a smile bigger than a Buick and this
furrowed eye brow thing you’ve got going on here. If you don’t love him, you at
least care a whole lot about him. People that we don’t care about don’t possess
that kind of power over us.”</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is the
second time in two weeks that I have encountered Ghandi reincarnated as an
elderly woman rocking a four-wheeled walker. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am now
just resigned to the fact that I am also going to meet eccentric people in eccentric
places that say eccentric things and that’s just how it’s gonna be. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She just
stared at me with her arms crossed, as if to dare me not to answer her.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I guess I
don’t know how I feel” was all I replied because quite honestly, this was a
complete stranger.</span></span></div>
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<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“My advice
to you, young lady, is to talk to him. What ever he did, whatever you did, communication is what is going to make
or break you. You've got to communicate. Without put downs, without yelling. Back and forth conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe this man will be in
your life forever; maybe just a short time. Maybe he is just an adventure.
Maybe a lesson. If you think there is a chance that he might be worth it,
you have got to fight like hell. If not walk away right now and smile for what it
was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, honey, trust me, you are
solving absolutely nothing by glaring at that coffee. Remember that.”</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Quickly
changing the subject, because, frankly, that’s a whole lot to process. I asked
her about her family. She told me about her kids and grandkids. She told me
about her late husband. All with this happiness that even now I can’t really
put in to words. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked about my family. I gave her the
simplified version. Not wanting to be one of those people that just talks about
themselves. I tried to ask more about her but she would have none of that. She
insisted that I tell her more about my family. I toId her that my mom and dad
are probably my two favorite people ever. I shared with her that my greatest
fear on this earth would be to disappoint either of them. That I hope they will
always be proud of me and that they respect my decisions even if they don’t always
understand them. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She reached
across the table and grabbed my hand and said, “Oh, honey, daddy’s aren’t
supposed to like the men we choose. It’s their job not to.” </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alright,
Teresa Caputo, what the hell is going on? </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unfortunately,
I had to cut this conversation short so I could get to work. I apologized for
having to leave so abruptly and thanked her. She stood and hugged me.</span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Honey, you
will figure it out or it will figure itself out,” she shouted as I walked out
the door.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every path we cross is for a reason.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">God bless
that crazy, beautiful, wise woman. </span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-70690881525582230392014-04-09T19:50:00.002-07:002014-04-09T21:05:12.241-07:00Runaway Days"Kid, let me tell you what the secret to life is," she said, looking me straight in the eyes. I looked up and smiled. It doesn't matter that I am 28 years old, I think I am always going to be a person people refer to as, "Kid" and I am completely okay with it. Without any further hesitation, I put what I was doing down. Anticipating that the next thing out of her mouth would most definitely be a pearl of wisdom, I gave her my full attention. <br />
<br />
Boy, was I right.<br />
<br />
"The secret to life is to stop making plans. You gotta be willing to stop everything that you think needs to be done and go out and live a little. The dishes will be there tomorrow. Your work, it will be there tomorrow. The bills, they will be there. Live, Kid, you gotta live, that's the secret, simple as that."<br />
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Some of the greatest life lessons have came in moments like this.<br />
<br />
"Kid, some of the best memories I have are when my husband and I would take off for the day on an adventure like we didn't have a care in the world. A full day with absolutely no plans. Those are what we call Runaway Days. We didn't have a lot of money but we sure made up for it in memories. And Kid, that's what gets me through times like today."<br />
<br />
Having just met this woman, I was honored that she chose me to share these wise words that reverberated in my soul.<br />
<br />
"When's the last time you had a Runaway Day, Kid? You look like you could use one."<br />
<br />
She patted my shoulder and then with that she walked out of the room.<br />
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I guess, I've always kind of considered myself a pretty go-with-the-flow kind of gal, but in all honesty, I don't think I've ever had a day like that.<br />
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That needs to change.<br />
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Life hasn't been exactly going in my favor lately. Perhaps, it's time for the pity party to cease. Maybe a few Runaway Days are just the trick...<br />
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Live life while there is still life to be lived.<br />
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Do something that you've never done before.<br />
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Stop scheduling everything.<br />
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Be a little outrageous.<br />
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Love who/what you want.<br />
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Don't be so damn hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can.<br />
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Don't make work your life.<br />
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Do something that just absolutely scares the shit out of you.<br />
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Be willing to see the beauty in all things. It's there. Just look.<br />
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Don't rely on anyone else for your happiness. Make your own.<br />
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If someone wants to share their story with you, give them your full attention. A few simple words have the power to change your whole perspective. Listen.<br />
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In closing, I want to pose the same question to you: just when was the last time you had a Runaway Day?<br />
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You look like you could use one.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-75662840377148130332014-04-02T19:02:00.003-07:002014-04-03T00:43:18.086-07:00Things I have found to be trueThe following is nothing more than my meandering thoughts. I am not taking ownership of every and all ideas. Some I've heard along the way, some I've experienced first hand, ALL are relevant.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
18 Things I've found to be true as of 7:45 this evening<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">
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1) Be nice to others. Genuinely smile at everyone you meet, actually acknowledge them. If you meet someone in the hallway or on the street ask them how they are....then actually wait to find out their answer. You never know the power that a smile and a few simple words may yield. <br />
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2) Do not become jaded. The world is full of so much ugliness and hate, do not let it consume you. I had little idea of how many callous, calculating individuals I would come in contact with throughout my life. I was also not prepared for the surplus of beautiful souls, either. Never underestimate anyone or overestimate them either, for that matter. People usually shock the hell out of me every day.<br />
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3) #idonotunderstandhashtags #istillusethemthough #ispunctuationrequiredinsaidhashtags #donthatetheplayerhatethegame #YOLO<br />
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4) Get to know your parents, I mean, really know them. Most likely, they are the coolest people you will ever meet. Parents are the best kind of friends because regardless of how you act, they HAVE to love you. They signed contracts...<br />
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5) The adage, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas", is actually a real thing. Trust me on this one.<br />
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6) Just because you have a bunch of letters behind your name, does not give you license to treat anyone as if they are beneath you. Some of the smartest people I have ever met in my life had no formal training. Some of the dumbest have graduated from accredited universities. This concept never ceases to amaze me. <br />
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7) Professionalism should be implied as part of your career, it should not have to be mentioned in the explanation. I am a Social Worker. I have never once said, "Hi, I'm Laura, I'm a Professional Social Worker." If someone has to use Professional as a precursor, they most likely are not one........<br />
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8) Nothing in life is free. Everything comes with a price. Sometimes you will pay with money. Some things are a little more costly, those are the items you will pay with, with a piece of your soul. Either way, don't bankrupt yourself.<br />
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9) Take too many pictures. Take them of yourself. Take them with the people you love. Take them of your dog. Just take them.<br />
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10) I firmly believe that your soul mates do not have to be romantic partners. They are the people you choose to share your life with. The people you text or call with news about your life. The people that love you through the good and the bad times and sometimes can't tell the difference between the two. They are the people who are blatantly honest with you. Who have the same humor, the same values, the same morals. Those are the people who make life worth it. The ones you could do everything or nothing with and still have a great time. The ones that love you, even if they think you are The Hot Mess Express, those are the people worth keeping around.<br />
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11) Do not be too idealistic. Don't let your expectations get in the way of something with the potential to be great. Model the traits in which you are seeking and perhaps you will encounter the type of individual you are hoping to find.<br />
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12) Don't take shit off of anyone. Stand up for what you believe in. Tell someone if they've hurt you. Don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than what you are. Be too busy worrying about your own happiness to give a second thought to what others think of you. <br />
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13) If "Ice, Ice, Baby" comes on the radio, dammit, sing along with it. Guaranteed, it will improve your mood.<br />
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14) Don't plan too far into the future or worry about it too much either. What ever will happen, will happen. <br />
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15) It's a probable law that if you go to Wal-mart looking a mess (I'm talking no shower, greasy hair in a bun, glasses, no make-up, sweat pants, cut off, slippers) you will inevitably run into your ex. Act like a boss (pronounced BAWWWSSSE) regardless.<br />
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16) Pizza and wine will not solve your problems...then again, they won't hurt the situation either. <br />
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17) I still maintain that everyone should own a sword. Don't ask me why, I just think it is a necessary evil. You may thank me some day. You're welcome.<br />
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18) You know that tag on mattresses? The one that says, "Do Not Remove by Penalty of Law", should you ever encounter one of those, simply ask yourself, "What Would Laura Do?"<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-38898491468960303162014-03-09T20:48:00.001-07:002014-03-09T21:57:43.991-07:00If The Opportunity Were to Arise.....I talk about my brother a lot. I write about him a lot. I don't know if this is right or wrong; but doing this is cathartic to me. I am not trying to make him some sort of martyr. I acknowledge that he wasn't perfect. That he indeed made many mistakes. With that being said, I have mentioned before that as time passes, I worry that people are going to forget him, more specifically, that I am going to forget him. Talking about him helps me feel like his memory will live on. So, I will continue to do so because that is how I grieve. <br />
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I just finished watching Resurrection. I am not sure if it was the best choice but what is done is done, I guess. To give a brief rundown, if you haven't seen it, the first episode is about a young boy, who had passed away in an accident 32 years prior, that shows up at his parents doorstep. It proceeds to delve further into all the emotions that overcome his family. They question their emotions. They questions their sanity. They question God. Everything they believed to be true has vanished. Seeing this got me thinking, what would I do, what would I say if Ethan showed up today?<br />
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Don't alert the authorities, I am not having delusions that this could actually happen but I think it's a very human tendency to think about how we would react, given this opportunity. If only we had one more day....one more hour...one more minute.......one more conversation, with the ones we have lost.<br />
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But, what would I say? Would I even be able to speak. Would the last five years of grief manifest in anger? Would I just bawl? Would he make fun of me for just bawling? (YES, yes he would). Would I direct-admit myself to a psych unit? I can imagine I would spend the entire time questioning what was right in front of me as I have a tendency to do with most aspects of my life.<br />
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More importantly, I wonder what he would say....Would he walk up the drive way of the farm with a Marlboro Red in his hand singing some ridiculous song? (Guaranteed). Maybe he would take a spin on the Allis and play his infamous air guitar, hay season style. I do know he would have that lopsided, goofy-ass grin and shout, "What's up, hooker?"<br />
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Would he recognize the people that any of us have become in the five years since he left us? All of us essentially the same yet so wholly different that some days we don't recognize ourselves. Would he even like the people that we have become? Of course, he would.... he liked everyone.<br />
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I wonder if he would ask why I only visit his grave on his birthday and on mine. My guess is, he knows that I have shared a beer with him on both of our birthdays since I was 18 years old and come hell or high water, that tradition will continue. I am also betting that he knows that I don't connect with him at the cemetery. That plot of land is not my brother. That is not him and I do not believe for one second that his life can be condensed to some eight by four foot piece of land.<br />
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He would confirm that mom and dad are still nuttier than shit....at least some things will always be constant. (Just kidding)<br />
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He would laugh and tell us his stories. He would fire up that damn grill of his and have some ribs going in no time flat. He would call up everybody and their brother and carry on like no time had passed at all, because that was just who he was.<br />
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Regardless of the hypothetical questions that would be endless, given the opportunity, it is important to remember that we can talk to the ones we lost any time we want....and every so often, if we are lucky, they answer us back.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-30459208632169185762014-02-23T20:43:00.001-08:002014-02-26T07:06:22.167-08:00When the rug is swept out from beneath you......The way we think life is supposed to go often times gets in the way of how life ultimately tends to work out. Disillusionment at its finest, the figurative rug being swept out from beneath you, if you will. It happens in the most miniscule aspects of life all the way up to the most complex.<br />
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I actually began this post last week. The initial basis was out of anger and disgust. As I sit here now, I am writing from a much different perspective. Same principle, different concept. When things don't go quite as planned, getting angry changes absolutely nothing, but anger is what we so easily embrace.<br />
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Disappointment is all a part of human nature. We are a society that always wants more. We want the be thinner and prettier. We want to be funnier and happier. We want people to treat us right. We want life to be easy and struggle free. The truth of the matter is that disappointment can either consume you or drive you. That is your choice.<br />
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Love your body for what it is and what it can do. Eat healthy and excercise but don't deny yourself the occasional treat. You may be a size 4 or you may be a size 24, rock whichever one you are.<br />
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Don't look so closely at other people's happiness and compare it to your own. We are all fighting very difficult battles that others know nothing about. Some of the people who appear to have everything, are the most miserable. Remember that.<br />
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Sadly, some people are just assholes. They will always be just that. There is nothing you will do to change how they are but remember how they made you feel the next time you want to act like an asshole. Don't do it, just don't. Pray for those people, they pry need it more than anyone. If someone consistently treats you badly it implies something is wrong with them, not you. Normal people don't go around destroying other human beings. With that being said, keep in mind that the people we love the most also yield the power to hurt us in the most profound ways. Take time to acknowledge that no one is perfect and we all mess up. Forgive when you need to.<br />
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Life, when truly lived, is messy. It is full of surprises and emotions and some of the most utterly amazing moments that are nothing short of breathtakingly beautiful. Enjoy life, truly enjoy it. Don't take yourself too seriously. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh; people who know all about you and your quirks and love you anyways. Do what makes you happy and don't you dare apologize for it. Give your heart away. Don't be afraid to tell others when they hurt you or how they make you feel.<br />
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So the next time your rug is swept out from beneath you and you want to absolutely lose your mind, take a few moments to lay on the ground, take a deep breath, and embrace what is about to come your way with an open mind.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-58174790209637975622014-01-14T21:25:00.002-08:002014-01-14T21:25:38.289-08:00Words Fail Me....I am a conversationalist by nature. I can talk to just about anyone. Get me talking and there's not much that can quiet me down. I have always prided myself on being able to find the right words at the right time. It has came in handy in my personal and professional life. I am typically able to navigate difficult conversations and attempt to shed light on bleak situations and circumstances. Sometimes I am not sure if it is a curse or a blessing. <br />
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Tonight my sister's mom passed away. As I watch as her world crumbles at her feet, my heart breaks for her and I realize words fail me. I cannot fix my sister's agony. I cannot ease her pain. There is not a damn thing that I could ever say to give her comfort. I had planned to say something profound when we got to Jen. At a time when I wanted to say something to bring her some solace, I couldn't even speak, all I could do was hold her and say a silent prayer for God to ease her pain. It was in this moment that I realized I don't need to have all the right words. Talk is cheap. Actions speak volumes more than words ever could. Jen is my family and come hell or high water, I will be there for her and support her.<br />
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Not even 24 hours ago, she was celebrating her 31st birthday. Today she is planning her mother's funeral. Life is not fair. She knows that more than anyone, she has lived that reality more than anyone. At 31, she has experienced more loss than someone twice her age. She has buried her father, her husband, and now she has to say good-bye her mom. And yet she carries on...will continue to carry on, with her head held high. I honestly don't know how she does it. She possesses this inner strength that I have never witnessed by another. <br />
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Say a prayer for Jen tonight. Say a prayer for her family. Say a prayer for peace. <br />
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I love you the most, big sister. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-60553335016339018082014-01-01T17:09:00.002-08:002014-01-01T17:09:15.140-08:00It is in these moments.....The time has come for resolutions. With the promise of a new year, an essential blank slate upon us, it is easy to think about all the changes we can make. I have a whole long list of all the things that I can, wait, that I need to improve but those things will always be there. I think I am finally resigned to the fact that I will forever be wanting to improve myself, forever wanting more. We all are, or at least, should be. <br />
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Last night I rang in the New Year with some of the greatest people on this planet. As we sat around the table, as we usually do, and talked about nothing and everything all at the same time, I realized that this year there will be no resolutions for me. Resolutions are easily thrown away around mid-january or so. Instead of resolutions, I am gonna focus on just enjoying what is right in front of me, always. Stop asking, "why?" and start asking, "why not?".....<br />
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It is no big secret that I prefer to spend my time around people who are a tad bat-shit cray. Life is always a bit more interesting that way. Last night as we laughed and carried on and said outrageous things, I realized that in moments like these, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. My family and my friends love me sometimes more than I deserve and always push me to be better. That feeling is enough to hold me through an entire year. Everything else that comes my way, basically is just a cherry on top of the sundae. <br />
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It is easy for me to type the above paragraphs sounding all enlightened, "No, no, resolutions for me." Ha....a mere half an hour ago, I was having a meltdown because I stepped on the scale for the first time in months. It's official. I now have a complex. It was in that meltdown that I found a piece of clarity. <br />
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Tomorrow does continue the path along my weight loss journey. I have some ground to make up for....a lot of ground....like miles....is there a distance measure bigger than miles? If there is, that is the amount of ground I have to make up for. I wish the weight came off as quick it goes back on.In the last several months, I made conscious choices that set me back. I so easily fell in to old habits. I ate what I wanted and how much I wanted and deviated from excercising. Plus, I like to drink a little.....who knew? I made excuses. My choices got me back here and my choices will get me out.<br />
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Resolutions aside, tomorrow, I will continue with a Paleo-type approach to eating. I made up an incentive-type goal with my fitness coach that will most definitely keep me coming to classes every day, basically the incentive is that I don't to run stairs and because I still maintain one shouldn't run without being chased, I think that is just the motivation that a gal like me needs. I know that this ride is not gonna be easy but I know it will be worth it in the end. <br />
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So to those of you who have been in my life for forever or maybe just awhile, thank you for everything you are and everything that you will continue to be.....<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-36482782942479629082013-10-29T04:35:00.001-07:002013-10-29T04:45:15.173-07:00To A Life Well Lived...<div style="text-align: center;">
The Good Lord Giveth And The Good Lord Taketh Away</div>
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Ethan Edward Whitesel</div>
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February 2, 1982 - Ocotber 29, 2008</div>
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I am afraid that I am going to forget his voice. <br />
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Of all the things that could keep me awake at night, it's the thought of forgetting his voice that haunts me deep down in my soul. If I forget his voice, what else am I going to forget about my brother? What happens if all the memories fade? What happens if I forget his stories? His laughter? Perhaps, my true fear isn't that I will forget at all, but rather that I will always remember and forever be broken?<br />
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Today marks five years that my brother has been gone. Not a single day has been easy. Time does not heal all sorrows. That is a damn lie. Time distorts grief. Packages differently but never really ever diminishes it. It is no longer all consuming but every day, it is there. <br />
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It usually happens during a happy time. A fleeting thought during a celebration, during a holiday, during a perfect moment. That is when I miss Ethan the most. A thought that makes me feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. It is in these moments that I realize that this darkness can eclipse the brightest of days and I am reminded of all the things that he will miss out on. My spouse will never meet my brother. He won't stand up with us on our wedding day. My children will never meet their Uncle. They will never feel the unconditional love that Ethan bestowed upon his family and my heart breaks because of this. True, they will never meet him, but they will always know him. That I can guarantee. <br />
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Five years without him feels infinite in relation to his life. The only comfort is that that kid lived the hell out of the short amount of time he was given. He talked too much and too fast. He made choices always with his heart, rarely with his head. He loved and trusted with this reckless abandon that even now I cannot fully understand. He didn't need me to understand. He didn't need anyone to understand. He understood and that was all that mattered.<br />
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I have to admit that I haven't had a decent argument since he has been gone. He had a way of making me look at the world differently. I have this terrible habit of thinking I am always right, even when I am absolutely wrong. Mix that in with foolish pride that makes me rather eat rocks than admit that I am incorrect and you can imagine situations got a bit heated. Rest assured that being my best friend and brother, Ethan, took it upon himself to always call me on my bullshit and let me know when I was being completely ridiculous, which of course made me lose my mind. It's funny that you can even miss fighting with a person.<br />
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He also had tendency of telling me what to do. Usually he was right. I am a big believer that everything that happens is all part of this grander plan. In the five years since he has been gone, many new people have come into my life. Some for a short time, others have become more permanent fixtures but all have came with a lesson. Sometimes it is so blatantly obvious that Ethan had his hand in the mix of these various individuals that I have to look up and say, "Alright, Bubba, stop pushing."<br />
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Today marks an anniversary but there will be no party. There is nothing to celebrate. There are no happy memories that correlate to this date that changed us all at our core, five years ago. This day will always serve as a reminder that life is not fair. However, I do have a wish for you all, if you knew him or even if you didn't. My wish is that you try to see the world through Ethan's eyes. That you look for the best in everyone that you encounter. That you believe that every single person is capable of good. That you always have the courage to defend others. That you stand up for what you believe in even if you have to stand alone and that you forgive even if it is not necessarily deserved. Make a few choices without thinking it completely through. Laugh, just because you can and remember that we are guaranteed nothing in this life, not even tomorrow, so tell the people you love how you feel. Today do that for me...and for him.<br />
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Missing you today and every day, big brother. <br />
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Rest Well, Old Friend.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-44555552651839199982013-08-26T20:19:00.003-07:002013-08-26T20:43:02.917-07:00Clean(er) EatingI have spent the last two weeks focusing on eating cleaner. Avoiding processed foods. Focusing on lower carb. Sticking mostly to leaner meats, vegetables, and fruit. I have done bunches of research on the Paleo Approach to eating. Seriously, if you ever want to scare the heck outta yourself look into what preservatives do to your body. Perhaps, do a bit of research on Margarine or low-fat butter spray.....YEEEEEEEEEEE............The basis of my version of clean(er) eating/living is similar to Paleo except I eat cheese and Ranch and I still drink the occasional beer. Not because they provide any major health benefits but more so because I LOVE them! Changing my lifestyle has been about living better in the hopes of impoving my health and essentially extending my life. I have decided I have no interest in living in a world where I can't have some damn Ranch dressing. Chose your battles, I guess.<br />
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I am slowly learning to like fruits. Okay, that was kinda a lie. My favorite fruit is and always will be Jello with salt on it but I have been forcing myself to try a different variety of fruits. My most recent snack has been frozen Lemon Drop Melon. Not too shabby! I have to get pretty creative not only with what I eat, but with how. I have a huge texture aversion. If it's anywhere near a mushy consistency, I cannot handle it. Stick a traditionally mushy (ish) fruit in the freezer, Viola, I don't have to gag on it. Sounds like a win/win situation, if you ask me.<br />
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Tonight I tried cauliflower "rice" for the first time. I took a half of head of cauliflower and ran it through the food processor. I sauteed it in some butter with Worchestersire Sauce and fresh garlic. I had it with a pork chop and some greens (WITH RANCH AND CHEESE...BOOM) and a couple slices of tomato. Pretty darn tasty!<br />
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I am continuing with Boot Camp workouts three times a week. I really love boot camp because it is always something different. If there are things that I cannot do, the trainer modifies them so I still get all the benefits of the excercise. The hardest part is the act of getting there. Once I am there, I am fine but I fight with myself all day over what I want to do versus what I should do. I have also been trying to mix in some walking and jogging throughout the week, as well. Basically, it's just an excuse for my to jam out on my Ipod. I tell you what, I can rock Chicago's "Inspiration" like nobody's business. I can also thug out to T.I. like I was raised in the ghetto......it really is exhausting being this awesome. :)<br />
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Stay tuned......More of my nonsense coming soon..................Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-52399960191029285112013-08-14T21:45:00.002-07:002013-08-14T21:45:26.055-07:00How Do You Measure A Year?Oh, all the changes a year can bring!<br />
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I started this journey to get healthy exactly one year ago today.<br />
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A year ago, I sat right where I am at now, scared out of my mind. I knew I needed to make some changes. Some big changes. Ultimately, I had two choices. Change the way I was living or die. Simple enough, I guess. When I started this all I thought my fear was of dying. I think in retrospect, the true fear that I harbored was in actually letting myself live. <br />
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I am not the same person who sat in front of this computer a mere 365 days ago. Time changes us all. I remember the very first blog entry. I cried the entire time I wrote it. Hell, every blog I write, I still cry. It's cathartic. I'm probably gonna cry at some point before this one is finished. Putting myself out there for the world to see my weaknesses has been monumental for me. I have a pesky little habit of letting my pride get the best of me and God forbid someone see me at a weak moment, in my mind that is just unacceptable; but I knew that if I was going to succeed at this, I had to be able to let others see my vulnerabilities. In the last year I have learned that sometimes the only way to exude strength is to be strong enough to show my weaknesses<br />
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When I started this journey I set a goal. I wanted to be down 100 pounds today. I wish I could sit here and tell you that I reached all my goals. That I lost 100 pounds. That my life was perfect. That losing the weight made EVERYTHING better, but alas, I would would be lying. Regretfully, I have not lost 100 pounds. I have lost 60 pounds and have maintained that loss over the summer. <br />
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I have a ways to go. It is slow moving but I will get there. One step at a time. Realizing today that I fell short of the goal I set a year ago is just the motivation I need to get my ass back on track. It's bad enough to feel like I let everyone else down but it pisses me off to no end that I let myself down. Here's to a new push to continue to get healthy. So beginning Monday, I am back on track...hold me to it, friends.<br />
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Truth is, losing weight is only a small equation in this process. This process is about learning to love myself enough to live healthier. There will always be times where I fall short, where I return to old habits. The important part is to start each day with a clean slate. I have also learned that I have to love myself at every size. If don't love myself fat I sure as hell won't love myself thin. I will still be the same person just in a slightly smaller package. My body isn't ideal but it's the only one I've got so I have to treat it right. <br />
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Confession time: I still hate to exercise. Absolutely hate it. Some things never change. I do a fitness boot camp three days a week. It's a mixture of core exercises as well as cardio. I die a little inside on cardio day. Every day I can think of a million reasons not to go but I know that it needs to be done. I know I could easily fall back into my inactive life so I have to push on. <br />
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And in this year I have learned to really live. For so long, I was merely existing. Now, I do what I feel. I surround myself by people who make me happy and I distance myself from those who don't. I have learned that if I don't want people to expect me to change, I had better not ask them to do so either. That if I don't want people to judge me, I better not judge them. Some lessons this year have been easier than others but as promised this ride has been every thing I expected it to be. It's been beautiful and it's been messy. I've had some of my happiest moments and I have experienced some of my saddest. I have faced my demons. I have made new friends and I have lost old ones. I am thankful for all of my family and friends who have loved me through all of this, especially on the days that I wasn't strong enough to love myself<br />
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...and for this entire journey, I am becoming a little bit better every day.<br />
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P.S. One year later and I would still do unspeakably obscene things for Taco John's Potato Oles.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-464216725829955282013-06-16T01:16:00.001-07:002013-06-16T01:17:46.143-07:00K.W.He will always be more at home on an Allis Chalmer's tractor out in a hay field than in an office. He can fix just about anything on this planet, whether it be a broken window or a broken heart. He is a man of few words, but you can bet your ass when he has something to say, it's worth hearing. He is loving and caring. He is funny and he is wise. He can curse for three minutes straight without taking a breath. He is the strongest man I have ever met and he is the glue that keeps our family together. He is my Dad and I would not be who I am without him.<br />
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There are two things in life that I know for certain:<br />
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1.) I drive my dad bat-shit crazy. <br />
2.) He loves me more than I can even comprehend. <br />
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It's safe to say that my dad and I are very different. He is as level-headed as I am nonsensical. He likes to have a plan for everything. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants. He is focused and, I am, well......not. Sarcasm is typically lost on that man, whereas, I speak it fluently. As different as we are, he has never once discouraged me from being anything but true to myself. He may not always understand me but I know without a doubt, he ALWAYS supports me.<br />
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On my eighth birthday, I had a skating party at the roller rink in Hastings. My mom and I had it all planned out- basically the party of the year. However, the day before, she was invited to one of the big Husker football games of that year, by one of her friends. Not wanting her to miss out on an opportunity to have fun, dad traded in his cowboy boots for roller skates and took a group of unruly eight year olds to my Barbie skate party and insisted that she go to the game. This is one of my first recollections of his selflessness. He sacrificed his sanity to insure that both my mom and I had the best time. Plus, I'm sure he wore the hell out of that Barbie party hat!<br />
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When we were kids, he was an over-the-road truck driver and was usually gone 3-4 nights per week. Every night he called to talk to my mom but he would always take a few minutes to talk Ethan and me, too. He would listen to our stories and the happenings in our little lives and made us feel like we were the most important people in the world. I have to add that when Ethan and I were fighting and driving mom nuts, he would tell us that if we didn't straighten our asses up, he would jump through the phone and do it for us. I wasn't a super smart kid, but even I knew that, that was bullshit.... but, hey, it usually got our attention. Even though he was gone a lot he always made sure that he was there for the important stuff. There were few games, programs, or concerts that he missed. He may have had to come in late and stand in the back, but he was always there. <br />
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He has always sacrificed so that we had/have everything we need. He is my hero....not because of what he does but because of who he is. He believes in hard work and honesty. He believes in a man's word being their bond and on a handshake being their contract. Qualities that you don't find too often in this day and age. In a world full of uncertainties, he is one of the few constants in my life. I know how lucky I am to have been raised by such great parents but I am doubly lucky because as I have gotten older they have also became my friends. <br />
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I watch as his mom battles end-stage dementia and am in awe as I see the same patience and caring that he has always had with his children shines through in an effort to help calm her. I know that every difficult decision he has to make weighs heavy on his heart yet he remains strong; for that is all he knows. <br />
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And I know as we come together to celebrate Father's Day, that this too is a day tinged with sadness for him. No parent should ever have to bury a child. Ethan was his best friend and days like this further remind him of his loss. I worry that he has been so busy helping us girls through our grief that he hasn't had an opportunity to fully process his own. Many of the things that he once loved, he no longer does, because those were the things they would do together. Life isn't fair...... I just wish I could shoulder that pain for both of them.........<br />
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Happy Father's Day, Dad!<br />
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I don't tell you enough how thankful I am for all you do.<br />
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Love you the most!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-57066338983770136482013-06-09T19:35:00.000-07:002013-06-09T22:05:20.117-07:00Warrior Dash<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Several months ago when I agreed to do the Warrior Dash, I instantly thought of my Dad's famous last words, "Don't let your mouth write checks that your ass can't cash". Unfortunately, I was raised in a way that if I had given someone my word that I was going to do something, I had best do it, but I am not going to lie, I had a few doubts on whether finishing the race would even be feasible but alas I knew what had to be done. I also knew that I would probably perish during and that next year they would have to rename it "The Laura Whitesel Memorial Dash".<br />
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Well, yesterday, I did it. I crossed the finish line. Granted, it was nearly two hours after I started but I finished. It wasn't graceful, it wasn't cute, hell, the majority of the time, it wasn't even dignified , but I finished. I went around the majority of the obstacles. I quit the race approximately 10 times throughout. I also quit life about the same amount of times. I should also mention that you have some crazy ass thoughts when you are out in the middle of nowhere in the pouring rain enduring the seventh level of hell that you had to pay for. Do you remember that movie, where rich hunters paid to hunt humans? I think it was called <em>The Game</em>. At one point, I had myself convinced I was part of a situation like that.<br />
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It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but along the course, I found something that I have been looking for, for a long time: clarity. It came in a simple sentence from Nichole. We were about a mile in and had just been passed by about 300 people when I told her that I was having some pretty bad thoughts about those people who were running in way that seemed so effortless. She said, "The only person you need to complete with is yourself." I had about two miles to process this which got me thinking to the Laura from this same time last year.<br />
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I think back to a year ago.....June 8, 2012- I was the Laura that I don't even know anymore. The Laura that was sedentary-that could barely walk around the block without getting winded. The Laura that was 60 pounds heavier than the one now. The Laura that questioned her own worth. The Laura who was slowly digging herself into an early grave..... I may have finished that race in the worst time in Warrior Dash history, but in every single way I was the victor. Crossing that finish line represented everything that I have worked so hard for in the last year. A journey that I have just skimmed the top of. <br />
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<em><span style="color: blue;">Basically, I Jump Through Fire Like It's My Job!</span></em></div>
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It's funny, in a moment where I felt so weak, I found strength. I was again reminded of why I was working on becoming healthier. It's not to be skinny. It's not so some guy will think my ass looks hot in Yoga pants. This journey is about living life the best way possible and pushing myself to become a little better each day. <br />
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Words don't even do justice for how immensely I felt loved yesterday. We were on the last stretch of the race and we came over the last hill and there standing by the fence line were the four most important people in my life, cheering me on in the cold, pouring rain. All having a million things they would have probably rather been doing but being there for me. Like I said, in every way I was the victor. Unconditional love is a rare thing to find in life.What would we do without family? Every single day I thank my lucky stars for them. It doesn't matter how old you are, that moment when both of your parents tell you how proud they are of you, in that instance everything in the world was right.<br />
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I also have to give a shout out to my running partner, Nichole. She stayed with my every single step of the way. She walked with me even though she could have ran ahead. She talked me off the edge every single time. She was with me when I began this journey almost a year ago. She sat with me while I cried after I got the results of my stress test. She is not afraid to call me on my bullshit. She has been my rock. Basically, she is the ultimate bad ass and one of my best friends! Thank you for everything. <br />
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P.S. I also feel the need to take the time to apologize to the event volunteer that I had less than nice thoughts about. We were at a point where it felt like we had went about 46 miles and he mentioned that we were barely half way. I can't recall all the specifics because I was not getting a whole lot of oxygen to my brain, at that point, but I am certain he was not the names I called him, nor was his mother.....<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-87431761616002977172013-05-12T08:31:00.001-07:002013-05-12T08:31:46.841-07:00My Mom's Cooler Than Your Mom!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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She is beautiful, smart, sassy, and funny. She makes me laugh. She makes me cry. She frustrates me. she challenges me, she pushes my buttons. She supports me. She believes in me when I don't believe in myself. She taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. She is fiercely protective and may God have mercy on your soul if you mess with her family. She is the first person I call with good news and with bad. She makes my world a little better...She makes me a little better. She is my mother, my best friend. <br />
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My parent's were super young when they had my brother and me. In a way, we all kind of grew up together. I'm sure it wasn't always pretty but it was always fun. I know how much they sacrificed for us and have never met two people more selfless. I watched both of my parents work their asses off to give my brother and I the best life possible. One thing that I didn't see was them struggle. Money was tight and they went without a lot so Bubba and I had everything we always needed. I didn't even realize this until I was older. They never once complained about it. They taught me that that the world would provide me with nothing, I had to work for everything I had. I didn't appreciate it then but establishing a work ethic was one of the greatest tools for success that they could have ever bestowed upon me. <br />
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I watched my mom raise my brother and me and then in an instance it switched to her becoming the care giver for her parent's. She put her life on hold to insure that they were always taken care of. I watched her become a fighter, an advocate, a warrior. She only did for her parents what they would have done for her. Good parents are not a coincidence. Good parents are raised by good parents. So, for all the things in life I am unsure of, I know that parenthood is one thing I will not fail at.<br />
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I have watched as she has lived every parent's worse nightmare. No parent should ever have to bury a child. She has navigated those waters with poise and strength and has been the glue that has kept our family together. Sometimes I am in disbelief of just how strong she is. I know that every Mother's Day that comes around is a little bittersweet because she is reminded of what she has lost. <br />
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So on this Mother's Day, I want to just take a minute to tell my Mom how much I love her and appreciate her. I don't say enough, how amazing you are and how blessed I am to have you in my life. Thank you for being you and being the best Mom ever!<br />
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I love you the most, Momma!<br />
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Ladies and Gentlemen....A mere example of my awesome childhood. </div>
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Check out that hair? This style was not just for the special occasion of pictures. My mother insisted that my hair looked like this every.single.day. I can't complain, I was always preparted to accept a Country Music Award, should the need arise. Also, Ethan was never really into being a cowboy. That is probably Dad's hat and mom needed something to off-set my big ass hair with that ever so sleek bow and my giant buck teeth. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493400073879890179.post-64857374392998498972013-05-08T19:36:00.001-07:002013-05-08T19:36:46.858-07:00I think your shirts are stupid anyway.....Before you read any further check out the link below:<br />
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<a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/story/2013/05/08/business-abercrombie-plus-size.html">http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/story/2013/05/08/business-abercrombie-plus-size.html</a><br />
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Now for the disclaimer:<br />
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In this blog post I am going to make fun of Mr. Mike Jefferies. I am going to be petty and juvenile and make comments that are equally as small-minded as the ones that he made in his interview. It is not okay to judge anyone by their looks. I know this is wrong but in my only defense, HE STARTED IT!!!!!!!<br />
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Granted this interview took place in 2006 so some time has elapsed but since the interview has recently been republished in <em>Business Insider,</em> apparently Mike Jefferies maintains his stance on not wanting fatties to wear his clothing. I have seen this story shared several times on Facebook and never one to miss an opportunity to rant, I decided to do a bit of investigative reporting.<br />
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I know what your thinking. Mike Jefferies has to be insanely good looking. You know, "an attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends". Let's take a minute for me to blow that shit out of the water....<br />
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I'm not a doctor or anything but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that he most likely will not be appearing in his own ad campaigns. Just a guess. Is this a joke? A mugshot gone wrong? An allergic reaction? Sir, were you stung by a bee prior to this photograph?<br />
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I think that if I was a gizillionaire, selling only cool clothes to only cool people, I would invest some of that revenue on fixing my face.......or perhaps my personality? Some day I am going to design a line of clothing that excludes people with abnormally misshapen heads and faces... Sorry Mike, you won't be able to run with the big dogs.<br />
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I understand that he thinks that he has monopolized the clothing industry by being exclusionary in who is able to wear his clothing label but seriously does he have to be such a dick? Pretty people do wear his clothes but can the majority of them spell clothes? No wonder the ads are always so graphic, clearly his target group aren't much for reading or interpretation, for that matter.<br />
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Any idiot can sell thread-bare shirts with a stenciled logo but it takes a real business man to do so in a way that does not offend people. Maybe Mr. Jefferies should attend a Nebraska State Fair and see that his view of people wearing his clothing may be just a tad bit warped?<br />
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As I have said before, I am not promoting being plus-size. I am all about being and living healthy. What I am promoting is that people be valued on more than the label plastered across the ass of their sweatpants.<br />
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In conclusion, I know that Mr. Jefferies will never see these words nor would he even care if he did but I want everyone who does read this to know that it doesn't matter if you buy your clothes at Abercrombie, Walmart, Old Navy or Good Will; the true meaning of happiness is finding those who love you regardless of what you have or what you wear. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13060315145703168764noreply@blogger.com0