Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes....

Four years ago, I began working as the Social Worker at the nursing home in Red Cloud. Funny, I barely remember the girl who walked through the door that very first day. I was 23and fresh out of college. I was scared and lost and was still naive enough to think that the world owed me something. Nearly four years to the day later, I closed one of the greatest chapters of my life.

At Heritage, I found my calling, I found my voice, I found my inspiration and I will never, ever be the same. I have had the absolute privilege of working with some of the nuttiest, funniest, silliest, smartest, bravest, and strongest people who have ever graced this earth and I am all the better for knowing each and every one of them. It truly has been the pleasure of my life.

This week I am starting a new journey. Last month, I accepted a position at Mary Lanning as a Social Worker. Leaving Red Cloud was one of the most bittersweet things that I have ever experienced.  Starting this new journey, I am still scared-all I have known for the last 12 years is  long-term care (in some capacity or another).  I am excited to use my skills in a different capacity. Most importantly, I am excited to be one step closer to my dreams.

I have never been much of a planner. You know those people who knew what the wanted to be since they were very young? Ya, I was never one of them! Planning really isn't my thing. How jealous I am of those who were blessed with such self-awareness. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. All I knew was I wanted to change the world, I still do.

 I also had huge aspirations to be a horse jockey but those plans fell through, probably, at birth. Looking at me, one would tend to assume I would lean more towards a career as a Line Backer or Body Guard. Thankfully, with a whole lot of hard work, a little bit of luck, and a dash of  Laura's special craziness and everything kind of just fell in to place. The path hasn't always been smooth but from the depths of my soul, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. Life has a funny way of working itself out.

I still question whether I made the right choice. I am a creature of habit and fear the unknown but even more so, I fear a life of mediocracy. I have to take risks and accept new challenges and continue to be hopeful that everything will continue to work out the way it is supposed to. Meanwhile, I am going to sit back and just enjoy the ride. I leave you with some of my favorite words:

"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."-Hope Floats

Oh, No!

It seems that it has been quite some time since I have posted and there is a perfectly logical explanation for that......I have not been doing very well with this process and I am a chicken-shit. I don't want to disappoint anyone, namely, myself. So, instead of facing the facts, I avoided this blog. Simply, acted as if it didn't exist. Avoidance....I basically invented the concept in relation to health.  If I didn't admit I was struggling then maybe it wasn't true...

Wrong.

So, here it is........I AM STRUGGLING!!!


Not just a little bump in the road, either. Like full-on train wreck, struggling. I am struggling in a way I have never struggled before. It's like passion I had back in August when I started this journey is gone. I have lost focus. I am not eating the things I should. I am not excercising the way I should (like not at all). It started small. Sneaking a dish of ice cream at work. Skipping one night of working out, then two, and then well, would you look at that, I haven't worked out in a good two weeks. I know I have gained some of the weight back I had lost, because I can feel it. I can't tell you an exact number because I have hid the scale....Avoidance.

So there it is. Everything is out on the table. Right now, I am struggling but that does not mean I have failed. I may have stumbled but I promise you, this time I will not fall.

I could sit here and tell you that it's because I am stressed out. I could sit here and tell you it's because, essentially, my life is changing in a drastic way and I feel like I'm losing control. I could sit here and tell you that it's too hard, that I'm not strong enough to win this battle....but I'm not going to.

What I am going to do is sit here and tell you that I am going to get my shit together. I am going to hold myself accountable. Such a new concept for me. I am going to do what I know I can. I'm strong and capable and will not let these last few weeks define my journey.

They say the truth will set you free, here's hoping "they" are right...........

Tomorrow is a new day.