Sunday, March 24, 2013

Are you out there?

 If the timeline of my life would have went as I had always planned it, I would have been several years into marriage and beginning my own family, living the "American Dream".  I was wrong.  Ten years ago, I hadn't even given my college education a second thought and a graduate degree wasn't even anything I had ever imagined, in my wildest dreams...but here I am Master's Degree in hand and a continued journey within my career. My path has lead me down a much different direction than I think anyone could have imagined, trust me, no one is more shocked about this than I.

Lately, I have been painfully aware that I am one of the few in my  group of friends that hasn't met that special someone and settled down. The majority of my friends are married and having kids and it just feels like our lives are on two entirely different spectrums. Don't get me wrong, I am content with my life and enjoy the hell out of it, however, one day I would like to plan a real wedding, not just my imaginary Pintrest wedding. :)

I don't want to tempt fate or anything. I believe everything happens in due time......but I can't help but wonder....

 Maybe we have yet to meet or perhaps he has been there the whole time and the universe never lined up perfectly. Maybe he is a wild card, someone no one could have ever imagined I'd end up with or maybe it is so painfully obvious that we were meant to be together that no one saw it coming. These things I won't know until they have happened. The list of unknowns is endless although there are a few things I can tell you for certain about him:

His family is his number one priority. He does an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Maybe in an office, maybe in a tractor, please God, not in a KFC uniform. He is the funniest guy in the whole world....to me. He makes me laugh more than anyone else.  He gets my off color sense of humor and forgives my tendency to be melodramatic. He finds my awkwardness sexy. He is strong in his morals and knows exactly who he is. He loves his mom and dad and he strives to make them proud each and every day, much like I do.

He will know that I am a feminist contradiction. He understands that I expect to be treated equal to any man but I also don't mind having the door opened for me and Heaven help him if he walks into a room ahead of me. He will know that he will never get to lead while dancing ever again.  He is patient with my short-comings and not afraid to call me on my bullshit. He will learn to love the fact that I always think I am right even when I am blatantly wrong....He can thank my mother for this inherited trait.

He forgives me when I am being ridiculous and doesn't judge my habit of throwing around the "F" word. He will be blessed with a tough exterior, a soft heart, and an open mind. He will be secure enough with his masculinity to know that my speaking to a member of the opposite sex does not mean our relationship is doomed. He will know that when I make a commitment to someone it is for forever, not just a while. If I love you once, I probably always will.

 He will shake my dad's hand and look him in the eye when he speaks to him and he will know that you never, ever sit in Kendall's chair while visiting.  He will tell my mom that she is beautiful and he will make her laugh and make her love him too, because if Momma Whitesel ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.He will have the foresight to ask my dad for my hand before he proposes, regardless of how old we are and will not run for the hills when my dad tells him, "Remember, she's your problem now".

He will know how to stack a hay trailer correctly and if not he better at least fake enthusiasm in learning how because like it our not he will be the newest non-paid employee of Whitesel Custom Hay. The pay sucks and the benefits are awful and the work conditions leave a little to be desired but it will be one of the greatest jobs he ever holds.

He will be understanding when my sister lives with us our first year of marriage and laugh that she is only returning the favor from when Ethan and she took me into their home during the first year they were married. I was the 22 year-old child that they never wanted. I can only imagine that Jennifer is going to pay that forward.

And may I have the an open mind to see what is right in front of me and an open heart to be everything he needs me to be. May our life together be long and happy and full of surprises.........
I know he is out there. He may not be everything I always thought I wanted but he will be everything I need. I don't know when or where we will meet but when the time comes, I am ready. ...



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